Mommy Monday

I'm going to try and make my blog a bit more structured. Mondays will now be known as "mommy mondays" and i'll discuss something to do with being a mommy.

Today i'm going to tackle that awesome issue of "your parenting vs my parenting."

It seems far too often than not, mommy's everywhere are feeling as though their parenting style is being questioned, demeaned or bashed.

I think being a mother is a very hard job. It's constantly under scrutinazation and everyone seems to know the "best way" to handle it. Personally, I coud careless if you breast feed or formula feed, cloth diaper or disposable diaper, attachment parent or structurally parent, selective vaccinate or by the "book" vaccinate, co-sleep or straight to the crib, stay at home moms or working moms, extended bf or stop at a yr, organic vs regular food, homemade baby food vs store bought, circumcised or not circumcised, pierced ears or no pierced ears, etc.

In my opinion, if I am not the one doing it and your child is healthy and taken care of and not in any danger then so be it. Parent however you like. What works for some parents doesn't always work for another. What works for one child doesn't always work for another.

So why is it that so many mothers are so quick to jump on other mothers and their parenting skills? Why can't we all just realize that this is a trial and error job and we're all trying the best we can (or at least i hope we are)?

I don't know of one single parent (although there's probably some out there) who truly wants BAD for their child. Everyone's trying their hardest to do the best for and by their child. I can understand people having strong convictions on their parenting and really feeling as though "this is the best way" but keep in mind "this is the best way FOR ME AND MY CHILD" that does NOT mean it's the best way for Susie and her little son Bobby.

I can't think of one mother who's so confident in being a "perfect mother" that she's never ONCE questioned if she was doing everything right or should she have waited on that or taken that bottle away sooner, etc. Mothers are their own biggest critics. There's constant doubts and struggles on "is this right?" going on within their own head...so why must some women be so destructive in their "advice?"

I think my biggest issue with it is if being a mother was a science we'd all be perfect at it, but NO ONE is perfect at it and it's hard enough to not feel down on yourself sometimes let alone when others are constantly going "Oh my gosh, people who bottle feed are so lazy." or "wow, she doesn't care about her child she just pricks them with all kinds of vaccinations."

I am very aware that it's possible to share your opinions and not come off as a judgemental person. Recently, a FB status was brought up about cloth diapering vs disposable diapers. The person writing the status made a comment about how she's so glad she uses cloth diapers and that they're such good parents. Is she wrong for being proud of her decision? Of course not. But her wording to others, who may not cloth diaper, could come off as though she seems to judge or assume parents who don't cloth diaper are not good parents.

There's many topics in society that are touchy. I think parenting is one of them. Some women can just ignore others comments while others it may be that straw that breaks their back that day and it could set off a whirlwind of emotions.

I challenge you this. Anytime you start to judge someone else's parenting or you hear someone else judging someone's parenting, STOP! Ask yourself these specific questions...

 Number 1: Is this parenting decision effecting me and/or my child?
Number 2: Is the child's needs being met emotionally, mentally & physically?
Number 3: Is this child safe?
Number 4: Is the mother/father doing this out of love?

More than likely probably 9 times out of 10 your answers will be no, yes, yes, yes. If not, then obviously you should reevaluate and talk with that mother/father and explain your concern. Otherwise, just let them try their best at parenting just as you do.

At the end of the day our children will grow up and move out of our house. If our foundation for friendships is "who parents the same as me" we're going to realize sooner rather than later that "hey i don't even like this person now that my kid is in school. we have nothing in common." Base your friendships off true values and morals that you find important in a friend. Embrace your parenting and be slow to judge others parenting. Be aware of others feelings because i'm confident to say at some point in time you probably weren't the most confident parent. We're all learning.

Matthew 7:1 "Do not judge, or you too will be judged." (New International Version)