Answers

These questions were submitted by Daring to Love...

Why do you think you have waited until now to be focused and comfortable to just being you?
I think as a child I was very reliant on my mother, which is somewhat expected, but looking back I remember lacking the amount of confidence I should have when it came to things like sports, boys, education, etc. I had a lot of people around me who loved me but I have a very strong personality. I was very reluctant to let anyone in and see just how not confident I really was. After my mom died, I looked anywhere and everywhere to feel that void. I was searching for someone to fill my confidence levels back the way that my mother did. Unfortunately I never told anyone that. So I went through life focusing on building my confidence in somewhat unhealthy manners. for example, looking for boyfriends to fill that void, friends to fill that void, alcohol to mask that void, etc. None of which are healthy ways to truly fill your confidence. When I married my husband I knew that all odds were against our relationship. We were the only ones who believed we could make it work and looking back I know that we truly had no idea if it would work or not. As time went on I let my guard down and my husband was (and is) a great listener. He pushed me to not only believe in myself but to be confident in myself. His ways were not what i "thought" i needed (think telling me i'm beautiful, telling me i'm a great mom, etc.) although he did do all of those things when i was feeling insecure or not so confident he would talk to me and explain to me that I had no reason NOT to be confident and that only I could truly make myself happy in this aspect of my life. As much as I had thought it was my mom (and it may have been as a child) I am a grown woman now and I need to be able to take care of myself. Before I was so worried about being alone. I never felt more alone until my mom died. Again, I ran to boys and alcohol as well as other things to feel that "void" but I was finding it wasn't helping at all. My husband has a very carefree attitude. It's not that he doesn't like people, but he doesn't seek their approval. If you don't like him, he doesn't care. That's not to say he's an asshole because he's one of the most easy going people you'll ever meet and most everyone likes him, but it means he doesn't put emphasis on people's opinions of him and unfortunately that was something I did and thrived on my entire life. Being married to him has made both of us grow drastically and one of those steps was me learning to be happy with me and to not live for other people but to live for myself and to be the best mother and wife I can possibly be.

Did having S change anything for you?
First of all, I love that you refer to my kids as T and S lol. I do that all the time :-) Having S changed a lot for me. Like i've said before, i viewed my life as having boys...all boys...MAYBE 1 girl. I never thought I'd get a girl so soon. She's opened my eyes to a much tender love. Not to say I don't love my son but I've always had a "it's okay he's a boy and tough" type attitude with him. If he falls we laugh. Not to make fun of him but to help prevent that sense of fear in him. Sophia has brought out such a gentler side in me. I'm ecstatic to take her to get her nails done, go shopping with her, have mommy/daughter dates, etc. I really feel like it's my 2nd chance at the relationship I missed out on with my mom. (before my mom died i wasn't into any of that yet. i was a huge tomboy and was just about to enter into my high school years) Having S also taught me that it's not so scary to have a girl. I remember thinking when I was pregnant with T and I would talk to other mother's who were pregnant with their first and they were having girls just being like "wow, i would not be able to do that. i would be devastated" and looking back that's SUCH an immature and naive attitude. Girls are amazing. Tommy and I have talked about having another child, and while we don't want to try soon, we have agreed we'll wait to find out the sex because now that we've grown up and matured a little bit more we both know we truly are going to be happy regardless boy or girl.

Do you feel differently from T then S ?
I think I answered this in the question above for the most part. Like I said, he's my rough and tough boy. My goal with him is to raise a gentleman, all around. That means things like holding doors for girls, being respectful of other people's feelings, saying ma'am and sir when addressing authority figures, using his manners, being polite, opening doors for women (car doors too) and all the other old chivalry things that I love about the old days. I don't want my son to turn into that asshole I dated (note: i am not making reference to one particular ex because to be honest i dated a lot of guys haha) I want him to be just like his father. A man of good faith, values, morals and respect.



Would you change anything in your life like a moment or a day?
At first reaction I would love to say yes. But I am a true believer that everything happens for a reason and while some things I have dealt with in my life weren't really ideal at the time the place that they've led and the woman they've made me become was worth all the heartache, tears and sorrows.

How would that change effect you today?
I don't want to change anything about my life right now. I'm truly living my fairytale.