here we go again...

playing catch up lol man life flies by sometimes.

FREE FRIDAY:
What am I supposed to do with my life? Part of me wants to go to school but I'm having difficulties getting exactly what I want to do done. Then I had the idea to go back to work full time so I could make some more money for us to save up but then I'd sacrifice spending time with my kids. *sigh* why is everything so difficult to figure out? Why can't someone just tell me "Hey this is what you're supposed to do and it will work out great in the end?!" I've been praying about it a lot and now i'm contemplating doing a free program out here by the Red Cross for a dental assistant. More importantly and more soundly I think I'm going to apply to be a substitute so i'll be able to make some money, get out of the house, but still focus on my children which is so important to me. That's on the agenda for this week... pick up an application for substituting.

I do know that I want to really do everything I can while on island. I have a bucket list (oki edition) that is seemingly getting larger and larger. First up on the agenda... WWII Museum with hubs and then we're also taking the kids to the Children's Zoo & Museum :) I can't wait for that!!!

STORY TIME SATURDAY:
Hmm what's story worthy this week? For some reason I'm having a "blank" but whatever. This weekend was crazy busy between birthday parties, church and Easter celebrations plus the unwanted presence of a lingering migraine combined with a bad stomach issue. Needless to say not much cleaning got done this weekend. I am so thankful though for my husband. Last night before bed (and then again this morning) he told me "Please don't clean up tomorrow, just relax. I'll help you when I get home because I don't want you stressed out." Ummmm hello i freaking love you!! You're amazing!!! I obviously can't NOT clean so i'm picking up odd/end things but i'm not going to scrub the house like I normally would on a Monday. He's such an amazing husband and I'm so thankful for him.

SCRIPTURE SUNDAY:
Far too often than not people are seen celebrating Easter without knowing the true meaning of it. If it wasn't for Friday when God gave his Son for our transgressions then we would never HAVE Easter sunday. I am continually overwhelmed by the generosity, unconditional love and overflowing nurturing that God shows us. Yes we all have bad days but God never gives us  more than we can handle and He never leaves our side. God is great and HE IS RISEN!!!

MOMMY MONDAY:
On the mommy front... Sophia's now 7 months old :( She is not crawling yet but I'm learning she does everything at her own pace and doesn't care if her brother did it sooner or not haha. She scoots backwards a lot though. She had some yummy bread from Mac Grill and you'd have to ask her designated aunties what they snuck to her at the Easter celebration because well, obviously they were snuggling her the whole time.

T had a lot of firsts this weekend. He had his first trip to the bowling alley (celebrating a friend's son's bday) and he can carry a 6lb ball!!! Umm weird!! lol He loved it despite not really understanding that he had to wait his turn haha. He also got to hit his first pinata at our friend's Easter celebration. He loved that for sure. Come on what little boy doesn't like hitting something and NOT getting in trouble. And on the "bad mommy" front T kept trying to have a sip of people's beer at the Easter party. I was raised in Texas and have a lax view on parenting to a degree. I finally said he could have a little sip because i knew he wouldn't like it... WRONG!!! He said "Mmmmm more more wa wa wa wa" (wa wa=water but he calls everything water lol). I told my husband and he started laughing. I love watching our children grow up and seeing all the things they have to show us about life.

Thankful Thursday:2

super thankful for the FREE healthcare/benefits we get as military dependents. My 2 yr old son has been to the dentist 3 times already (12 months, 18 months and 2 yrs old).

i've had 2 children for 'free' and all health issues have been handled accordingly. idc what anyone says about how crappy they think the military healthcare is, with the right attitude on it it's a great thing!!

Wifey Wednesday:2

As a wife I am in charge of the finances (bill paying, savings accounts, transferring money, budgeting, etc. whatever you'd like to call it) so part of my task is to save us as much money as possible. I coupon like it's my job, literally...

Couponing 101


Resources:
- Personal Services Center
- Commissary
- Stateside Friends/Family
- Coupon Groups (Facebook)
- Coupon Databases (www.afullcup.com)
- Google (internet printable coupons)
- Coupon Swaps

Step 1 – Meal Plan

1.Make a dated list of how many meals you want/need for a given time period (1 week, 1 payday, 1 month, etc.)

2.Write all “events” interfering with your ability or need to cook dinner during said dates. (birthdays, going aways, shop functions, date nights, etc.)

Example:


Monday May 1
- BBQ Chicken, Macaroni & Veggies


Tuesday May 2
- Date Night


Wednesday May 3
- Spaghetti, Salad & Garlic Bread

Step 2 – Create Grocery List

1.Compare your meal plan to what is in your cabinet/fridge.

Example:


Monday you are having BBQ Chicken, Macaroni & Veggies. For this meal you’d need 2 chicken breasts, some BBQ sauce, some butter, some macaroni from a box and some steamed veggies. If you look in your pantry and see that you have Macaroni as well as BBQ Sauce and then you look in your fridge and see that you have veggies and butter all you would need to make this meal are 2 chicken breasts. So on your grocery list you would write “2 chicken breasts” and that would finalize your items for that meal.

1.Once you have created your list for your dinner meals fill in any blanks for items you know you’ll need for breakfasts and lunches.

Step 3 – Match Coupons to Grocery List

1.Go through your coupons and pull the coupons for items you have listed on your grocery list. Keep in mind what items are frequently used in your household.

Example:

Wednesday you’re having Spaghetti, Salad & Garlic Bread. Let’s say you have everything EXCEPT spaghetti sauce. You find a coupon for $1.00 off two cans of spaghetti, but your meal plan list only calls for 1 can of spaghetti. In this scenario I would buy 2 cans (making sure to annotate on my grocery list that I have restrictions on this coupon meaning I must buy 2 of this item). I know that we eat Spaghetti at least once a pay period so this will save me from having to buy more Spaghetti sauce next pay period and essentially saves me money in the long run.

1.Once you have pulled all coupons for your list an easy way to help you shop is to highlight the certain items you have a coupon for.

Example:

Spaghetti Sauce (Ragu x2)

In this case I underlined. However, the highlighted items (underlined items) are items you have coupons for. The words in parentheses are letting you know the restrictions for said coupon. In this case, you need to buy 2 jars of Ragu.

This also comes in handy when you get to the commissary and realize they are out of an item you had a coupon for. Rather than being embarrassed at the checkout you can simply search for this specific item’s coupon and remove it from your bag of savings.

Good To Know

- MANUFACTURER coupons and MILITARY coupons are the only coupons can be used at the military commissary and the px/bx.
- All coupons can be used until 6 months past expiration when you are military stationed OCONUS.

Example:


A coupon expiring January 31, 2011 does not expire in Okinawa until July 31, 2011.

- If you have some items on your list that you cannot find coupons to match up for have fun with Google. Simply type in “Velveeta Mac n cheese internet printable coupon” and see what it brings up. It’s always worth a try if it will save you money!

Shopping Sales!!!

1.Pick up the sale ads located at your commissary and/or BX/PX.

2.Note any great sale items listed that you know your family can benefit from.

3.Search your coupons and see how low you can get the price.

Example:


The commissary has a sale right now on Schick Hydro Razor 3 for $4. I have a $4 off coupon for any Schick Hydro Razor. Essentially this makes that item FREE! Does my husband need a razor right now? No! Will he sometime in the future? Yes! Stock up on items that you will readily need in the future!!

Playing catch up...

Scripture Sunday. On Sundays i'll either talk about the daily devotional i'm doing on my own, a structured devotional i'm doing with a friend or our church service.

Today i'll focus on the devotional i do with a friend. we're studying the women of the bible. We just studied Ruth and man I did NOT even know that story despite being in a Lutheran School my entire life (minus 2 yrs at public high school) and then a Baptist University.

It's amazing to me the strength and faith that Ruth had. She is such an example to us all. If we're truly loyal to our God then we will reap great benefits from Him. How amazing is that?

I highly suggest going and reading Ruth 1-4... it's super short and an easy read. Such an awe-inspiring story.


Mommy Monday:2
Mommy - 1 Sophia - 0 :) Sophia hates anything green. At least to eat. She will gag and gag if you give her sweet peas or green beans. Thinking on my "mommy toes" I mixed her sweet peas with her carrots and she ate it all up :) Score for mommy!!!

I hear stories like this all the time from other moms. What tricks have you learned how to do for your little ones to make life a little bit easier?

T is lovin sitting on the potty. Almost as much as he loves wiping and flushing. However, the big thing missing... he doesn't potty on the potty... Hubs is getting a little worried but i'm sure he'll do fine. Hubs thinks he's going to never understand to actually potty but I managed to convince him to give him another 2 weeks or so of "sitting" before we really start the whole potty training thing. I know I'll have to dedicate an entire weekend to every 15 min potty breaks and I want to make sure he's ready and not scared because I definitely don't want to push his training back.

Any of you potty training? What are some tips you have? What was successful for your little ones?

Tourist Tuesday:2
The magnificent Coco's. Really, Coco Ichibanya. It's actually Indian food seeing as it's curry. I've heard great reviews of their salad and their sesame salad dressing although I've never had one. I'm personally a "stick to what i know tastes good" kind of gal. The chicken cutlet (think chicken tenders almost but so much better... it's like a breaded breast of chicken) is AMAZING as well as the chicken stew (think shredded chicken in your curry. It's always served with rice and i HAVE to have some Naan bread with mine as well. Add some cheese on top of your curry and/or your naan bread and you have a delicious treat.

I took my parents here when they came to visit. They were addicted. I think we ate here 4 or 5 times in the 13 days they were here. You can make it very spicy or leave it bland. There's mild, regular and then spice levels 1-10. I typically go with a 2 and hubs gets a 2 or sometimes a 4 but we do have those friends that get a 10 which astonishes me.

You can dress up your curry with whatever you like... boiled eggs, veggies, cheese, ginger, etc.

Everyone who's come to Okinawa always talks about Coco's. I'm happy to say California has FINALLY invested in one stateside so now you don't have to move overseas for 3 yrs to fill that yummy craving. If you know someone in Okinawa you can always ask them to pick up a box of Curry for you and make your own coco's at home.

Homemade coco's: Heat up the curry on the stove, make some white rice (sticky rice is best but not mandatory) and get the tyson's breaded chicken and pop it in the oven then combine it all and top it with some cheese and voila a delicious homemade treat. It's definitely good but not as amazing as when you buy it from the store.

Coco's is so well-known they actually SELL their spoons!! Yes spoons!! And they sell keychains now as well with pics of their "fav" items like the chicken cutlet curry and the naan bread.

There are almost 1200 Coco's in Japan alone. There's 4 in Hawaii and 1 in Los Angeles. China has 15, Taiwan has 9, South Korea has 8, Thailand has 10 and Hong Kong has 1. They were established in 1982 and have a reported 68.5 billion yen (ending in fiscal year may 2009) of sales. That's insane!!! They provide menus in different languages to help customers better understand what they're ordering and honestly are some of the kindest waitstaff i've ever met. Always greeting you with a hello and bidding you a'do with a thank you!!

Definitely kid friendly and great kids meals for kids as well!!

So if you're ever in any of the above locations i highly recommend stopping and trying Coco's. It's definitely worth it!!

http://www.ichibanya.co.jp/english/index.html

Free Friday & Storytime Saturday

I guess if you wanted to be funny it COULD be Forgetful friday since i was soooo busy yesterday I didn't get a chance to write in my blog. I promise I'll try my best to upkeep the blog as much as I can

Free Friday is basically where I'm free to write about whatever I want. Anything. No real structure.

So for this Friday I'm going to discuss something I've learned this past week. It's definitely something i've been taught/told my whole life but it was one of those "i had to be ready to understand it" type things.

I love my kids. I love my husband. I also love all my friends and family (not immediate family...but them too haha hence the first 2 sentences). However, at the end of the day I go to bed with my husband after I lay my kids down to sleep. That needs to be my priority. 100% of the time. I like to be there for others. I like to be a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen, a person to make them laugh, a loyal friend in tough times, etc. but at the end of the day my focus should be my family and myself. (aside from God, He's always #1)

I have found too often in life I'm constantly giving and giving trying to be a great person to everyone around me and far too often then not I get dropped on my butt because I'm being taken advantage of, i'm not appreciated, or other typical reasons in this situation. This past week it became loud and clear to me that I need to focus on myself and my family. If I don't think something's the best idea for myself or my kids I've got to learn to stand up and say "i'm sorry, but no." That's so hard for me to do. (unless it's like dangerous/life threatening, i mean come on people i do have common sense sheesh!) But really I can't tell you HOW MANY TIMES my husband has said these very words to me and finally after 3+ years it sank in. I guess you could say i had an "ah-ha" moment.

Proverbs 11:29
He who brings trouble on his family will inherit only wind, and the fool will be servant to the wise.



Storytime Saturday is a day where I'll share a story from the previous week. I have SO many stories from this week so I'll try and pick just one or two.

First, my daughter is almost 7 months old. The girl is the smiliest little baby I've ever seen. She loves to watch all the toddlers play but she is so stinking funny because she REFUSES to sit up. We will "practice" sitting up and she'll just put her head between her legs and laugh. She'd rather lay down then actually sit up. I had a friend come over and she was practicing with her and couldn't stop laughing at how squirmy she got determined to be able to lay down instead of having to "work" to sit up. Haha. I have a feeling though it won't be this way for too much longer. She seems so anxious to play with the toddlers that once she's mobile I have a feeling it will be the constant "waaaaaaahhhh" (insert "uh oh i stepped on sissy" look on my son's face) haha oh man the joys of parenting it's NEVER a dull moment.

Speaking of my son, whew where to start. His isn't so much funny I suppose but it's a story nonetheless. Friday my husband had off of work so we took our son to school as usual and ran some errands with our daughter. We picked up our son around 10 am to go to an Easter Egg Hunt with my husbands unit. Of course our son was *THAT* child who was running around picking up the easter eggs that were "hidden" (they weren't cleared to do that yet we were still waiting on everyone to show up) and CHUNKING them down a HUGE hill that was deemed "no hiding eggs here" for safety reasons. *sigh* Later that afternoon we took him back to school strictly because they had a Party Animal party scheduled for that afternoon. That was seriously the coolest thing ever. Adults were dressed like a kangaroo, lion, fox, etc. they had people on stilts and the two guys leading the "show" were hilarious. Coincidence, one of the guy's names was Tommy. Well Tommy happened to be the funny one always getting into "trouble" during the act so people kept yelling "No Tommy" or "Oh Tommy" and T kept thinking they were talking about him. At one point Tommy was hiding (the guy from the show) and the other man said "Where's Tommy?" and T's whole class pointed to T and goes "right here" hahaha I love toddlers. They're so smart but still learning so much. Anyways, our son definitely got wise and realized all the kids were watching the show and that meant all the "cool toys" were free so he made his own agenda and took full advantage haha.

I hope y'all all have a wonderful weekend. Hopefully I can write Sunday's blog tomorrow. I'll try my hardest but then again it's duty recovery day, haircut day and much more so who knows!!

Thankful Thursday

You guessed it, Thursday's will be structured as "Thankful Thursdays."

Today I'm thankful for the ability to be a stay at home mom/wife. I consider myself blessed to not HAVE to "work" [note the quotations because staying home is a full time job] everyday (although if i wanted to I could).

I love that I can lounge around the house all day and do NOTHING if i really want to. I love that I can reorganize my house umpteen times and my husband doesn't get annoyed. I love having dinner ready on the table when he walks in. I love walks with my daughter. I love going to school functions for my son and seeing his face every time he sees me walk in. I love that I can meet up with friends and discuss parenting, social life, coupons and more. I love that I can do devotions everyday at any time of day. I love that I can watch my children grow and see the new things they learn. I love that I can call my family/friends stateside everyday if I want/need to because i don't have to worry about "times".

i love being a stay at home mommy/wife.

Wifey Wednesday

My next structured blog will be wifely wednesday. You guessed it... i'll discuss something to do with being a wife.

Today, i'm going to talk about "date nights".

I feel like it's very important to have a date night with your husband. For my husband and I we strive to have one at least once a month. A night with no kids where we can hang out and enjoy each other's company and focus on each other as people rather than just a mom or dad. Of course, like any parent, we still end up talking about our kids but we do try our hardest to minimize that and really focus on each other.

Date nights can be as simple as staying in and playing a game together or as complex as a nice dressed up dinner out some where followed by a fun evening of adult activities.

The main importance of this to us is that we don't want our lives to be ruled by our children. I hear far too often that "oh you have kids, man your life is over!" Um, no! That's not the case. Our children are blessings and we feel so blessed that God chose us to have them. We both feel as though our lives jumped into more meaning when we had children and has been a rollercoaster of adventrues, fun and laughter.

It's so easy to get caught up in the "daily grind." Ya know, the cleaning, diaper changing, bottle making, bathtimes, etc. That by the end of the day you can sometimes neglect the importance of your spouse outside of just their parenting skills. These date nights give us a chance to learn new things about each other, discuss issues in our marriage and just enjoy each other.

At the end of the day we both know that our children will grow up and someday move out of the house and start families of their own. Then what? What if i've only viewed my husband as a father? His 18+ years of parenting aren't over but they aren't as demanded as they once were. So what if then I realize "hey, i don't even know you anymore and you're more like a roommate?" This is what we try and avoid by having scheduled "date nights" together. We want to keep the romance alive and truly grow together as one.

I encourage you to try and indulge yourself in a date night. Even if you have no one to watch the kids set one night aside a month that you and your husband stay up late after hte kids go to bed and just ENJOY EACH OTHER!! It's so important and I guarantee that early morning the next day will be so worth it when you see your marriage growing stronger and closer with each day.

I Peter 4:8
Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins.

John 13:34
So now i am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other

Tourist Tuesday

Tourist Tuesday is going to be my next structured blog. While I technically "live" in Japan I do still consider myself a tourist. Each Tuesday I will talk about something unique to Japan.

Today I'm going to talk about Forest Adventure Park.
http://www.okinawahai.com/my_weblog/2008/10/okinawa-hai-rea.html

My husband and I did this together last weekend for our anniversary. We had a blast!! The cost is 3,500 yen (roughly 35 US dollars) per person. You can go in groups or by yourself. I highly suggest making reservations. We went on a Saturday and made reservations despite there only being 2 of us.

When we got there at around 11:30 we were promplty greeted by the staff. They made sure I was tall enough (i had about a half an inch to an inch of grace per THEIR height chart...despite the fact their website says 4'6" so please be aware you could get there and not be able to make it since i'm 4'9" so i easily should have passed but yet i was very close to not passing). We gave them our money and they made sure we all had the proper shoes on. Once that was done we drove and parked in the designated areas for their park. A shuttle bus was waiting for us in the parking lot to take us over to the course.

Once we reached the course we had to walk 200m to the main cabin. *this is the last bathroom available so be sure and go try* While there we got a locker for 100 yen deposit (which you got back) to put all our belongings in. You can keep your phones/cameras/sunglasses/etc. on you but if you lose them or break them it's at your discretion. Since hubs had never done ziplines before and I had no pockets we opted to miss out on the awesome pictures (this time because we plan on going back) and just enjoy the course and each other.

They then put your harnesses on you and show you how to attach them to the ziplines correctly. You go through a mock course that has a rope you walk across followed by a very short zipline. A staff member assures you are doing everything correctly and then you're off.

You're free to go as fast as you please or as slow as you please through the course. (please be aware of other groups though) I think we saw staff member maybe twice throughout the whole course. Hubs and I had a blast. We did at least 10 ziplines with fun obstacle courses in between.

About halfway through they have a section of "free drinks". You're allowed to have one. The downfall, it's all soda. (at least when we went through) so you may want to bring some water!!

The best part is at the end where they have a number of different obstacle courses to go through and what's called the "Tarzan" swing. They attach you to a rope and you jump (freefall) for approximately 2-3 seconds before the zipline catches you and then you fly into a rope net that you then climb up. A lot of peope were hesitant to do this but i saw children, women & marines doing it. It's easily the best part of the whole course.

We then turned in all our gear and got our belongings and headed down the 200m to find a shuttle bus waiting for us to take us to our parking spot. The saturday we went was a tad bit busy so we didn't get to our car until 2pm but I have heard others say that they've made it through in an hr and a half.

If you live on Okinawa (or ever come to visit) I highly suggest going here. It's only about 20 minutes north of Camp Foster on the 58 and is a great adventure for single marines, couples, families with older kids, etc.

I cannot wait to go back. Like i posted above, we don't have any pictures of *this* trip but next time we will definitely be taking some photos.

Mommy Monday

I'm going to try and make my blog a bit more structured. Mondays will now be known as "mommy mondays" and i'll discuss something to do with being a mommy.

Today i'm going to tackle that awesome issue of "your parenting vs my parenting."

It seems far too often than not, mommy's everywhere are feeling as though their parenting style is being questioned, demeaned or bashed.

I think being a mother is a very hard job. It's constantly under scrutinazation and everyone seems to know the "best way" to handle it. Personally, I coud careless if you breast feed or formula feed, cloth diaper or disposable diaper, attachment parent or structurally parent, selective vaccinate or by the "book" vaccinate, co-sleep or straight to the crib, stay at home moms or working moms, extended bf or stop at a yr, organic vs regular food, homemade baby food vs store bought, circumcised or not circumcised, pierced ears or no pierced ears, etc.

In my opinion, if I am not the one doing it and your child is healthy and taken care of and not in any danger then so be it. Parent however you like. What works for some parents doesn't always work for another. What works for one child doesn't always work for another.

So why is it that so many mothers are so quick to jump on other mothers and their parenting skills? Why can't we all just realize that this is a trial and error job and we're all trying the best we can (or at least i hope we are)?

I don't know of one single parent (although there's probably some out there) who truly wants BAD for their child. Everyone's trying their hardest to do the best for and by their child. I can understand people having strong convictions on their parenting and really feeling as though "this is the best way" but keep in mind "this is the best way FOR ME AND MY CHILD" that does NOT mean it's the best way for Susie and her little son Bobby.

I can't think of one mother who's so confident in being a "perfect mother" that she's never ONCE questioned if she was doing everything right or should she have waited on that or taken that bottle away sooner, etc. Mothers are their own biggest critics. There's constant doubts and struggles on "is this right?" going on within their own head...so why must some women be so destructive in their "advice?"

I think my biggest issue with it is if being a mother was a science we'd all be perfect at it, but NO ONE is perfect at it and it's hard enough to not feel down on yourself sometimes let alone when others are constantly going "Oh my gosh, people who bottle feed are so lazy." or "wow, she doesn't care about her child she just pricks them with all kinds of vaccinations."

I am very aware that it's possible to share your opinions and not come off as a judgemental person. Recently, a FB status was brought up about cloth diapering vs disposable diapers. The person writing the status made a comment about how she's so glad she uses cloth diapers and that they're such good parents. Is she wrong for being proud of her decision? Of course not. But her wording to others, who may not cloth diaper, could come off as though she seems to judge or assume parents who don't cloth diaper are not good parents.

There's many topics in society that are touchy. I think parenting is one of them. Some women can just ignore others comments while others it may be that straw that breaks their back that day and it could set off a whirlwind of emotions.

I challenge you this. Anytime you start to judge someone else's parenting or you hear someone else judging someone's parenting, STOP! Ask yourself these specific questions...

 Number 1: Is this parenting decision effecting me and/or my child?
Number 2: Is the child's needs being met emotionally, mentally & physically?
Number 3: Is this child safe?
Number 4: Is the mother/father doing this out of love?

More than likely probably 9 times out of 10 your answers will be no, yes, yes, yes. If not, then obviously you should reevaluate and talk with that mother/father and explain your concern. Otherwise, just let them try their best at parenting just as you do.

At the end of the day our children will grow up and move out of our house. If our foundation for friendships is "who parents the same as me" we're going to realize sooner rather than later that "hey i don't even like this person now that my kid is in school. we have nothing in common." Base your friendships off true values and morals that you find important in a friend. Embrace your parenting and be slow to judge others parenting. Be aware of others feelings because i'm confident to say at some point in time you probably weren't the most confident parent. We're all learning.

Matthew 7:1 "Do not judge, or you too will be judged." (New International Version)

April Fool's

So today I texted my husband a pic of a positive pregnancy test as well as saying "I'm pregnant." His response was hilarious and made it seem nearly impossible to not extend this fun little prank. Alas, i posted it on FB and the comments flew in. Was I pregnant? Was it a joke?

Well, if you haven't seen (which i'm sure most of you have) it was most definitely a joke...

so in the spirit of April Fool's day tell me your best prank you've ever done...

Happy Friday!!

You're Invited

To stop being incompetent.

Do you have that friend that has to be invited to everything or else they feel left out or not as special?

These types of people annoy me for multiple reasons.

First being that most anything I do I'm fine with anyone coming all you have to do is ask. I'm not a formal invitations kind of gal. If you wanna tag along just say so. If I don't think it's something you should tagalong on then i'll let you know. Here we are again with that whole ASKING and not expecting people to read your mind. Amazing how reoccuring this issue is.

Secondly and most importantly in my head is these almost always (at least in my life) seem to be the same people who consistently do stuff and DO NOT invite you. It's like okay so i'm supposed to think you're so awesome and invite you everywhere on the RARE occassions we get to go out but then in the same breath i'll have to understand that you won't invite me anywhere for whatever ludacris reason you've schemed up in your head. Here's the deal... i don't have time for mind games. Either you're my friend or you're not. i'm not going to go out of my way to be a great friend to you or make sure you're happy if you could really give two cents...

What gets me is that i'm finding this more common with people older than me. Is this because i matured way too young due to the cards i was dealt? Or is it because some people just don't have common sense? I have no clue. Either way it's ridiculous.

So here's a lesson in common sense. If you have a problem with me not inviting you somewhere or with anything that I do or don't do be smart about it. DO NOT COMPLAIN TO ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS. It's like HELLO is anyone home in there? Seriously just bend over already because your ass is already showing and it's quite humorous. You're HOW old again? Come the heck on already. I don't have time for the mind games. IF you can't afford something, say it. I won't judge you for it or laugh at you, however I will judge you if you whine about it to someone else without even giving me a chance to show you the kind of person I am.

Oh here's another lesson... you will never be able to be friends with everyone. At some point you have to stand for your beliefs values and morals. I, in no way shape or form, expect you to agree with me 100% of the time. So stop expecting everyone to bend down and feel so sorry for you and all you're going through but then in the same breath think you're so stinking cool and invite you to EVERYTHING.

It's okay to NOT be invited somewhere. Do you invite your husband EVERYWHERE? (think nail salons, hair apts, girls night out, etc.) If so, well i don't have time to go into that right now haha. But if not, take a look at your marriage. Did he divorce you? Most likely not. So again, realize that friendship is like marriage. It takes communication and compromise. Sometimes that means you don't hang out with that person everyday. When you've been dubbed as that girl that's stuck up so and so's ass it's pretty embarassing. Enjoy YOUR life. Spend time finding out who you are and let your friends help you accessorize your life with things you may not have learned or noticed before. Stay open minded and learn there's different ways of doing everything. Heck some people wipe back to front and others wipe front to back. Everyone's unique. Embrace that and realize that it's okay to be alone.

Okay, end rant. haha. I need some suggestions for a new topic to discuss. Anyone?!

quick to anger

I am not one that enjoys being mad at someone. I hate grudges. I think they're pointless. I think what I hate most is when someone is mad at someone but doesn't even let them know. How on earth is this person supposed to know they did something wrong if you haven't confronted them?

I understand that confrontation for some can be scary, but in the same breath what good is it doing being angry about something that can never be fixed until it's addressed?

I've known many people; friends, family, etc. who are quick to be angry with someone without even sharing with that person what they did wrong. The anger usually festers up and develops into worry, gossip, loss of trust, disrespect and much more. It seems odd to me how someone would rather spend days, weeks, months or years mad about something rather than approaching the situation in a mature respectful manner and simply say "hey, i heard blah blah blah" or "when you did this it hurt my feelings" or whatever the issue is. I like to think that some people don't because they just don't care. Maybe they're like my husband and for the most part things just roll off their back. However, there are some out there who will hold onto these things and continue to complain about how awful someone is or they can't believe they did that but yet they have yet to let them know what they've done so they can FIX it.

I don't think it's a daily goal for most people (well at least i hope it's not) to go out and upset someone... especially friends or family. Do things happen? yes. Should it be the end of the world? no. Talk it out. You'll be amazed how much your relationship can grow.

What about those who constantly say "oh don't worry i'll confront them ___insert day___" (don't get me wrong i'm not claiming to be this amazing person who's never done this. i definitely have waited to approach someone until i felt as though i had everything in order to actually confront them and make my case on why i was upset and waht it was that upset me) Have we become numb to the idea that tomorrow isn't promised? Those long lost cousins, your spouse/significant other, your child, your family, your friends... they could ALL be taken in an instant. Does anyone really want the last memory to be that they were upset with that person?

IMO, being upset with people takes too much work. First you have to remember WHY you're upset and with 2 little ones running around it's easy for me to forget. Heck half the time i don't remember what i had for lunch. Then you have to let that fester and continue to boil over until you're so mad you don't want to reconcile. Either cut them out of your life and be done or approach the situation. I promise it's only intimidating at first. You can actually agree to disagree. It's this cool things adults (well most hopefully) do. haha

I guess what I'm saying is this. Be slow to anger. Enjoy your friends and family. Remember we're all human and we have to make mistakes to grow and mature. Take it easy and when a mistake occurs confront it. Give them a chance to realize their wrongdoings and help make your relationship better. Life is a lot better when you're in a good mood and worry free then when you're walking around counting all the people you're mad at and why you're mad at them.

A few words of wisdom i like on this particular topic...

"Leviticus 19:17-18



Do not hate your brother in your heart. Rebuke your neighbor frankly so you will not share in his guilt. Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the LORD."

"Ephesians 4:31-32



Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."

"Proverbs 14: 29

Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly."

stolen valor

This disgusts me.

I wasn't raised in a military family. Sure, my great grandfather whom I knew up until I was 2 yrs old was in the US Navy. My Paw Paw was also in the Navy but that was WAY before my time and he's not one who was all gung-ho for it. My view on the military was very tunnel-like. I assumed everyone was either Army or Navy. I didn't understand how things operated and that there were more than those 2 branches.

It wasn't until I was 17 yrs old when I just so happened to be best friends with a guy who was joining the Marine Corps. From there I slowly learned more and more. I met marines at the recruiting station and many of my other friends opted to join the Marine Corps. I flew to Japan when i was 19 and met a lot of young marines. I was married to a Marine when I was 20 yrs old and we moved to California. There we were stationed with a lot of NCO's (noncommissioned officers) who had served at LEAST one but most of the time more tours in iraq/afghanistan. Having met these men and heard their stories always baffled me on how it was so easy for me to trust them around my children. It's simple though. They're men of faith, courage, honor, commitment and most of all, a huge heart. These men give up any and everything for their country. I'm glad to say that the men my husband was stationed with in California have most certainly become like family to us. I consider them all Uncles to my son and love when they get to see or talk to him.

Now why would ANYONE try and take their respect away? Why would someone honestly claim to be a military personnel when they were not?

Is it because they look up to them so much? Is it because they wish they'd made a difference? Can anyone tell me?

I'm at a loss right now. I don't see it being okay in ANY situation to EVER claim to be a military personnel let alone a DISTINGUISHED military personnel. Purple hearts, PTSD & medical retirement are all VERY REAL. These are not things real marines strive to achieve. They're just "good old boys and girls" trying to serve their country.

Does someone really think if they say they have these things (when in actuallity they don't) that they're better than someone else?

You could always claim insanity. I was talking with a dear friend about it and she said it best "Lots of people are insane, they dont' go around claiming purple hearts though."

It pains me to know that there's people out there like this. It disgusts me for the men and women who I've met in the military that have EARNED the right to be called a Marine. What's even MOST baffling to me is how these people can actually shake TRUE war heroes, marines, etc. hands and look them in the eye. They might as well be spitting in their face.

I have nothing nice to say to them. I'm going to pray about it. That's everything that I can do. I know God will handle the rest.

(ETA: i referred to marine corps mainly because that's what i know.)

"affording" it

In the preparations of my son's 2nd birthday I have done a lot of researching. Along with the show "Outrageous Kid Parties" on TLC I have come to the conclusion that just because you can AFFORD IT doesn't mean you should do it.

While I want my son to have an awesome birthday and celebrate the day he was born, I do not want my child to grow up expecting extravagant birthday parties with every attraction you can think of. He's turning 2. It's a big deal in my house. However, that does not in any way shape or form constitute me spending hundreds of dollars.

IMO, that takes away from the true celebration of birthdays. First of all, he won't even probably REMEMBER this birthday party. While yes he can look back at pictures he still won't cognitively remember how mommy/daddy spent hundreds of dollars. The important thing is that friends (and family) come together to celebrate the birth of our first child.

That's what's important. The friends/family who are here to show their love and appreciation for our son. Not the bounce house, $400 cake, $200 worth of decorations, etc. It's the love of family and friends.

Now will I be spending money on my son's birthday? Of course. I think I may splurge and get him a nice cake or I'll splurge and get a simple bounce house for all the kids to play in. I'm not going to make this over the top. Although, the thought DID cross my mind.

I had a conversation with a friend who's child is older than mine. I was telling her all the ideas and thoughts that I had and she said it perfectly "why not just do something simple. that's what his birthday is about. there's no need to go crazy." I think too often it's hard to get caught up. I have some friends who do spend oodles of money on their child's birthday. Do I think badly of these people? Of course not. But that doesn't mean that I have to do the same thing. It's easy to get sucked into that but in reality it's your decision on what you want your child to remember and expect.

Not to mention if you can afford it now who says you can afford it in 3 yrs and then what do you tell your child when they EXPECT this over the top party and are not happy with a simple get together? To me it's setting up for a disaster. I want my kids to appreciate the love they have from other people, not expect the attention.

So I guess I'll close with this... just because you can afford something doesn't mean you should buy it. This extends wayyyy past just children's birthdays. I only spoke about children's birthdays because it's what I'm dealing with and well that show "Outrageous kid parties" is new and i happened to see a little bit of it the other day.

Have a blessed Monday!!

[Please keep praying for those in Mainland Japan. You can donate at http://www.redcross.org/ or you can go to http://www.bandsforarms.com/ and purchase a Humanitarian Relief bracelet. Bands for arms is a nonprofit oranization that helps support the troops by donating to the USO so the troops can communicate with their families]

thank you

2 simple words. yet it seems as though people find it harder and harder to utter this mere polite phrase.

Be it someone opening a door for you, getting you something, letting you cut in on the road or whatever else it is thank you's are so commonly used yet forgotten.

Thank you was one of the first phrases i taught my son. Although it sounds more like teet-chew he does know that when someone gives him something or does something for him it is the polite thing to say back.

Has human society become numb to the "nice" gene? Have we become so caught up in our own daily lives that we feel as though we're entitled to acts of kindness rather than overwhelmingly grateful.

I try and make it a point to say thank you as much as possible, even for the little things. Am I in the minority with this?

I encourage each and every one of you to make it a point to say thank you at least 3 times in one day. You'll be amazed at how easy it is to reach that small number. You never know maybe you'll make someone's day by appreciating their help.

soon

soon i'll be back to my daily grind in my household. Sorry i've been MIA but i've been somewhat enjoying my vacation. Minus the week it froze and ruined my plans to go to Dallas and then the week after where I was pretty much sick as a dog.

Any suggestions on a good topic to come back with? Let's hear from the peanut gallery!!

Heartless

I guess the "overly dramatic i have to be your friend in a hard time to make myself feel important or caring" person would consider me heartless for my opinions on some things. If that's how they feel, well, okay. That doesn't change my opinion.

I'm not one to tell someone how to handle a situation. if advice is asked for then I will tell you my opinion but otherwise I'll leave it be to your own dismay. However, I am also not someone to continually give sympathy to someone who merely strives to get attention.

It baffles me how someone can pick apart every single event and turn it around to be ALL ABOUT THEM. Hard times hit everyone, does that mean that you have to ruin the good times for everyone else? I surely hope not, but for some that appears to be the only outlet.

I'm still in shock at how so many people can buy into the pity parties. Really? What's done is done. Be a true friend and help them get through it. Don't hinder their growth by giving into they're almost pathetic attempt for attention.

It is IMPOSSIBLE to be something you never were. So why claim it now? It's becoming more and more evident it's all an attention hoax. While my heart hurts for people in these situations, it is also angered by their lack of consideration.

I will be the first one to be there for you if you need me. However, I will NOT say what you want to hear. I will call it like I see it. That's what a TRUE friend does. If you look fat in a shirt and ask me "do I look fat?" I will most definitely tell you yes. I would rather you be at your best than continue to allow you to hide under the fakeness of a false reality.

Reality is not the colors people paint your world, reality is the black and white that is there when the colors fade...

Marriage

Marriage is a sacred bond. I do not take that commitment lightly. While i have loved before my husband, i have never known a love as true as husband and wife.

I find it irritating that so many people seem to take this commitment so lightly. (of course there are some exceptions to everything) I've seen women who marry out of convenience. (note: i say women because that's what i've observed. i don't make it a point to see the guys side because, well i'm a woman get over it!) I've seen women who can so easily disregard that ring on their left hand. Why?

To me, marriage is when you feel at peace. You feel completely comfortable and happy that you have found the man you want to spend the rest of your life with. You feel confident that you can make this commitment in front of God, family and friends. So why do so many people just trash it?

I do not think that a married woman should be out at bars with a bunch of single guys. A girls night now and again is okay, but when people begin to perceive you as "that" wife... maybe you should stop saying they shouldn't judge you and realize what your ACTIONS are saying... (which trust me is far more than any words you can say) It saddens me really. Some women go out and SEARCH for that "acceptance" or "gratitude" from other men hitting on them. Don't get me wrong, every woman loves compliments, but I can't help but feel "dirty" or "annoyed" when someone "hits" on me. I just find it disgusting really. yet some wives are all about it. they THRIVE off of that.

Why is that? Is it because they married too young? Out of convenience?

I don't know the answer to that being as I'm not one of those women.

I also don't understand girlfriends acting as though they're married. Have you lived with this person? Have you committed yourself to them in front of God? Have you made ample amounts of effort to go from being 2 people into 1?

Marriage isn't a joke. It pisses me off that so many people (especially around my age) act as though it is. I'm sorry, but if you're a girlfriend you know NOTHING about marriage. You can threaten the "i'll break up with you" card all you like! In a marriage threatening the divorce card merely shows your immaturity and lack of true commitment to your spouse (said: always exceptions).

I understand that some people can love so strongly and feel as though they will be married one day, but UNTIL THAT DAY YOU ARE NOT A SPOUSE! I've been that girl that was so head over heels up my boyfriends ass swearing we'll get married (even got engaged) but guess what... I DIDNT MARRY THEM!! *SHOCK* i know, who would have thought MY plan may not have been GODS plan.

I'm just sick of it. It's irritating. I take my marriage seriously. I surround myself with friends who also take theirs seriously. We respect, support, encourage and prosper for our husbands. We move ALL OVER THE WORLD for our husbands. We make every effort to put their happiness before our own because they are our husbands.

Ephesians 5:22, 28-31. "Wives submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, even as Christ is head of the church; and he is the savior of the body. Therefore as the church is subject to Christ, so let wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wife as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it . . . So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church . . . For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and shal.1 be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh".

I ask this... why make a committment you have NO intent to keep? why claim a committment that was never certain?

RESPECT MARRIAGE. Respect your marriage. Respect others marriage.

Pregnancy

This may be a little harsh but it's something that has been on my mind lately.

I know quite a few ladies who are pregnant right now. Most are pregnant with their second/third/fourth child but some are pregnant with their first.

While I understand not everyone is blessed with "easy" pregnancies, I do think a lot of it has to do with the person's attitude. I can't count on one hand the number of people I know who consistently complain every single day about how miserable they are or how hard their pregnancy is. For first timers I'm a little more lax on the subject because, well, it's all unknown to them. However, for the "veterans" as I'd like to call them, COME THE HECK ON!! You knew what you were getting into. Stop freaking complaining. You don't get more sympathy or more attention for it you just get more people annoyed with you. If pregnancy is SO awful then take some dang birth control!

I know this is probably "rude" in some people's eyes but really it's not like you didn't know what you were getting into. I find it hard to feel bad for people who induce the bad times on themselves. I think for a lot of women getting pregnant is a way to stay "center of attention" and that just annoys me.

However, first timers who act like their pregnancy is different then EVERYONE ELSE'S drive me nuts as well. For the most part, every pregnancy is very similar. Your uterus grows at the same rate, you have typically the same types of dr appointments, you have relatively the same fears as other moms (first timers and veterans) and much more. So why act as though you're the exception?

Newsflash. Pregnancy is hard work. You're very tired all the time, you're sore and your body is going crazy BUT you're not the only one to endure all this so we don't need an announcement everyday about it. I understand some women are very ecstatic to be pregnant and that's awesome for them, but again, we don't need daily updates! Especially when they're not only ludacris but physically impossible.

Some "complaints" i've heard lately just make me roll my eyes and shake my head. I mean seriously, you're not a walking science experiment (i'm sure there are a few out there like "I didn't know i was pregnant" and such) but for the most part you're going through what every pregnant woman before you has gone through. While I'll celebrate in your expecting of a new arrival I will not succumb (spelling?) to your attention whore tendencies. Sorry, just not on my list of things to do.

Remember, you're not the first pregnant chick out there. There were many before you and there will be many after you. Celebrate this new life that you're growing but take your complaints and count them before spilling to the world. I don't know if any of you have actually contemplated the heartache your constant complaining does for women who want so badly to have a child but can't,maybe you should step back a minute and realize that what you are growing is a blessing that not everyone is granted. So sit back, relax and ENJOY it.

Money

While I don't claim to be an expert in the finances department, I do like to think I have some common sense. I don't expect everyone to run their finances the way I do, but if you're going to ask for advice then please listen to it, don't just say "ya okay" and do nothing about it. You can politely agree to disagree or you can change.

Unfortunately, I know quite a few people who have money issues. The difference in most of these people is that SOME of them are actively trying to change. They are reading Dave Ramsey books, taking classes, speaking to financial advisors and much more.

However, there's quite a majority that do nothing but COMPLAIN. These people drive me nuts. I'm sorry but if you can't afford EGGS one pay period then maybe you should reevaluate your lifestyle. I worked very hard with my husband to get us to where we are today financially. We are 100% debt free. We live comfortably. However, we are NOT by any means wealthy. (in material lifestyle...)

It shocks me to see people's priorities. I know it's not "my issue" to deal with but in the same breath I get tired of the complaints. How is it that you can sit on my couch and complain about never having any money, yet EVERY SINGLE weekend you are out drinking and partying? How is it that you complain yet I've yet to see you in the same outfit more than once? How is it that you complain yet you drive around town "window shopping" wasting precious gas money and pay 4 car payments when you don't even NEED 2 cars.

I'm not speaking from a "high and mighty" place, but from a COMMON SENSE place. If you can't afford the lifestyle you're living then CHANGE it.

When Tommy and I first got married we had NOTHING. We lived on Ramen noodles for weeks & slept on a mattress we borrowed (used lightly) from the barracks. How romantic right? The thing is, we didn't live outside our means. The first 2 years of our marriage we had 1 vehicle. That's all we used. I don't care if you have a child(ren) and have to take htem to dr visits, school, etc. you DO NOT need 2 cars!!! If you really want to change YOU have to step up to the plate and make some (omgsh here it comes) SACRIFICES!!!

How shocking right? There's a reason all the clothes I have are either from high school or maternity. I had to make MANY sacrifices to get to where we are today as did my husband. No one can make the change for you except YOU.

So do me a favor, stop complaining and whining how you can't afford things when you're not truly making sacrifices. Stop going out to eat. Get rid of an extra car. Cable/internet is NOT a necessity. Start couponing (judge all you want but i guarantee i spend way less on groceries then a lot of people who don't coupon). Make a meal plan. Do snowballs (check dave ramsey for ideas on this). Most importantly, *gasp* GET A JOB!!!

I know this is a kind of brutally honest in your face post, but I'm sick and tired of it. You don't need a surround system. you don't need a new camera. You don't NEED a lot of things. Make sacrifices and be aware that your financial status can effect more than just what you buy that pay period. It can effect your ability to get jobs, your credit and much more.

So please people. Grow up. Make sacrifices. Become an adult. It's truly not THAT hard.

((Especially if you're in Okinawa. If you can't afford to live out here in the military then you will surely fail in the States if you don't make some changes/sacrifices. Not sure if you knew, but you don't get COLA in the States so if you're spending that extra money you get and "banking" on that to pay bills, etc. you're in for a VERY rude awakening when you are stationed stateside))

Having said that, I truly have no problem helping people out with their finances. I love teaching people about meal planning, couponing, snowballing debt, etc. I'm the first one to willingly lay it all out for you and explain it step by step to let you know what helped ME (yes i realize every situation is different but i can't give you advice unless it's advice that's worked for me). The only issue I have is when you ask questions or if you complain and I see that your'e truly not trying to make a change/sacrifice then i'm sorry but I have zero empathy.

GOODbye

Too often then not people (including me) focus on the bad parts of goodbyes.

Sidenote: why do they call them GOODbyes? What's good about them?

Last night while I laid in my bed trying to fall asleep I was thinking about this. Is it good to say bye? Is that the purpose of the word?

If you're curious too... Goodbye comes from God be with ye

I decided i wanted to focus on the good things about saying goodbye...particulary towards my husband since that's the situation I'm in right now. So I made a list... I think this will help me stay optimistic and positive for any time that my husband has to leave.

When i say goodbye to my husband...
1. I get more time to focus on God and read His word.
2. I get more self-reflection time. I'm able to use my time to focus on important things about my life as well as able to focus on ways to better myself which will ultimately help better our marriage.
3. I get more one on one time with both of my children. I can focus on each of them and i learn new things about them both. i consider myself blessed to have the ability to be a stay-at-home mom.
4. My house stays cleaner. Haha. Having 1 toddler is hard to clean up after when caring for a newborn but then adding a husband who loves to come home, eat, shower and then climb in bed makes it harder lol.
5. I can eat whatever I want to eat for dinner and whenever I want it.
6. I'm able to watch whatever I want on Tv.
7. I can snuggle with my kids in bed if they wake up in the middle of the night without worrying about him being exhausted the next day at work. (he doesn't sleep well at night when our kids are in bed with us)
8. I am able to use this as a learning experience and a growing experience for future times apart.
9. I realize more and more just how much I love my husband's ability to be an outstanding father. it becomes evident to me just how amazing of a father he is and just how thankful I am to have him. He truly does do a lot.
10. Strengthens my love for my husband. He truly is my best friend. I find myself having something happen and just wanting to talk to him. No one understands me like he does. He truly is my better half and I thank God for him daily. Absence definitely makes the heart grow fonder.

So my challenge to you is this. If your husband (or wife) is gone (even if just for a few hours, days, weeks, whatever), try not to focus on the bad. Make a list of the things you find GOOD about your GOODbye. It will help with your mood and if you have kids that mood will be evident to your children and make for a much easier transition.

xoxo
S

It gets easier in time...

I had a conversation with a friend the other day, whom I have a not so awesome common denominator with, that of losing a parent. This topic was brought up and I decided I felt like blogging it. So here ya go.

Whenever you lose someone you love for them to go to a better place there seem to be no words to help console the person who's lost someone. The only words that I have repeatedly heard (and even spoken myself) are... "It will get easier in time."

I disagree. (I can only speak on behalf of my situation, which is unlike any other. All situations are different. even if you have lost a mother it is still different from mine just as mine is different from yours.)

The first year after my mother's death was very hard. The next 2-5 yrs seemed to be a little easier. At the time I was 15-18 yrs old so my biggest concerns were what to wear to the dance, which boy to date and what car to drive. Really intense concerns right? Ha. It seemed that way at the time.

The 6-8 yr point has been the hardest for me. In this time I have gotten married and had 2 children. I feel like I have grown more from someone who viewed my mother as a great role model and best friend into more of a child yearning for that figure in my life. There are so many things that have happened (and will happen) that have been so much harder to handle then I ever imagined.

Getting married... if you know my husband and I then you know we were against all odds when we chose to get married. (luckily for us it worked out great...however, i see that it could not have just as easily) We opted to have a JOP (justice of the peace) wedding. I was there with a friend and he was there with a friend, his sister & our niece. That was it. Looking back I think it was probably best that way. While we are planning on having a huge wedding in the future (probably next year), I don't think I was prepared to handle the reality that would have hit me if we had chosen to do it then. As I watch "Say Yes to the Dress" on TLC I am constantly reminded of how uncomfortable I felt shopping for homecoming/prom dresses with my dad or friends. I was always missing my mom. Could you imagine the intensity of that same situation but instead it being a wedding dress?! I think I would have lost it. (It's amazing in hindsight how you can see God's plan...He's always got a reason for everything and I think he showed me that in this situation)

Being pregnant... I had NEVER been around a pregnant person in my life. Granted I had a step sister (which i hate referring to as step but it's whatever it helps clarify for y'all I guess) who had my niece before I ever got pregnant but I wasn't really around her much then. I never knew what all pregnancy entailed. I was full of questions, concerns and skepticism. I don't know why this bothered me so much seeing as my adoptive mother couldn't have children, but alas it did. A lot. Blame it on the pregnancy hormones? Perhaps. I'm really not sure. I can say this, it was a huge blessing (again God doing what He knew needed to be done) that I was in contact with my biological (no i do not refer to her as my birth mother because she didn't just give birth to me and then off on her way she went...she is still a mother to me) mother because I was able to ask her all the questions I deemed worthy. She was a great support system and helped me as much as she could. I just always imagined telling my adoptive mother first when I found out I was pregnant.

Having a newborn... just like i'd never been around pregnant women I'd never really been around a newborn. There were many conversations I had with my biological mother where she'd laugh because it was so silly the questions I was asking. Like, do you keep the umbilical cord when it falls off for their memory book? Seriously? Who does that? haha I was very scared and everything was so new to me. I was also away from my family and friends. In the first year living away from my hometown in tx (i was in Ca) I had gotten married and had a baby. Talk about fast moving. (for the record, i had my son 6 days after our 1 yr anniversary. do the math. i did not get married because i was pregnant. thanks!)

As my son has grown up there have been so many milestones that he's hit or characteristics of his personality that I can only wonder if he's gotten from me. Luckily my adoptive mother shared a LOT with my biological mother because it was an open adoption. My biological mother has done the best she can and tells me stuff all the time. At the same time though I was in no way prepared to deal with the realization that although I had thought I had gone through the worst of losing my mother, it was evident there would be life events that would bring that pain back worse than I felt before.

Now I wasn't sitting there wondering if she'd like my boyfriend or if she'd think these shoes would go with this dress, I was wondering if she'd love my husband. If she'd be proud of how I handled my life. If she'd be proud of me. If I'd be half the mother she was to me. If she'd agree with my parenting or support it. If I'd be able to handle these serious steps in life on my own without that one person I knew I could contact.

I had no clue when I was 14 yrs old that I would be on this roller coaster. I tried so hard to believe people when they said "it gets easier in time," but you know what, it's bull! It doesn't get easier in time. You'll still have breakdowns. You'll still have moments you can't stand the fact they're gone. You'll second guess yourself and pray that they're proud of you and can calm your fears. You'll strive to be the best that they wanted you to be, but what sucks...you'll never get an answer.

All you can do is believe.

daddy's gone

The past 5 days i've played "single mom" to my kids. Or as others may call it "marine mom".

First and foremost, I'd like to say that I have the utmost respect for single moms. Especially ones who have zero support from their family. (not to say I don't have support from my family but being in Japan it is definitely limited on what they can do)

Sophia's so young she hasn't even noticed. T has had the hardest time. When Tommy left on Sunday he didn't quite grasp the idea that he was truly saying bye. He bawled at the door for 2 minutes before I could calm him down. Bedtime routines for the first 3 nights were awful because they usually always consist of daddy helping. T was up every 2-3 hrs each night until last night. Usually crying for daddy but sometimes just crying. It was heart wrenching as a mother to sit there and not be able to console your child or give them what they want.

As time went on we developed our own routine and things have been going pretty smoothly ever since. I must say though I'm definitely anxious to see T's face when daddy walks through the door. He will definitely be elated.

On the wife-front I definitely miss him. I think any woman who truly loves her spouse misses them whenever they're gone. The days seem to go by very quickly but once bedtime hits it's all quiet and no one to really talk to and your "marriage routine" is all out of whack. As anything it's something you have to adjust to and overcome. I did marry a Marine, so this obviously won't be our last time apart.

So to all you spouses awaiting your loved one to come home; be it a business trip, deployment, training, vacation, duty, whatever... here's to you! Remember each day, hour, minute is one closer to them being home and as much as you support them and are proud of them know that that feeling is mutual.

xoxox
S

breakdown

Life throws you trials almost everyday. Being a strong person you only hope you can pass through each one with flying colors. That's when God steps in and reminds you who is truly in charge.

Sometimes you need a breakdown to realize that while yes you are able to accomplish alot, without God you would be accomplishing nothing.

The past few days have been rather....intense... to say the least. While the to-do list got longer with each item I crossed off it wasn't until I felt like I'd hit rock bottom that I realized how to get out of this crazy spin. PRAY!

Some people say that "all they can do is pray" but in reality it's EVERYTHING you can do. The power of prayer is an amazing thing.

After struggling for the past 3 or 4 days and finally giving in and turning to God I woke up feeling much better. The sun was shining. My babies were smiling. What is there not to love?

So remember this, on every hard day that you face, remember you are not alone in facing it no matter HOW alone you may feel.

Drop to your knees and pray. No one can give you the comfort you need or fill that loneliness like God.

have a blessed thursday!

Hard times

I think it's safe to say that everyone, at some point in time, faces a "hard" day. There are many extremes to determine what you believe a hard day is. For example, it could be something as tiny as not getting the pair of jeans you really wanted at the mall today or as drastic as having lost a limb in a tragic accident or even losing a loved one. Regardless, everyone faces hard times.

I'm not a fan of high egos based on these hard times. I do not believe that a hard time defines you as a person but I do believe how you OVERCOME that hard time DOES!

I heard on a tv show (i can't remember which one) one day that two people were comparing their lives and comparing the crappy things that had happened to them. Finally one of them goes "if this is a competition on who's life is crappier, go ahead, you win!"

I loved that. Why does anyone want to win that battle? Is it for the attention? Is it for respect? Or perhaps they just can't come out from under that overwhelming hardship?

I would like to think that it's not for attention, but unfortunately I think far too often then not most everything is for attention. Attention of strangers? Attention of loved ones? Attention of true friends?

I can't answer those questions. As my close friends know, I'm not one to say "Hi, my name is Sara and i've had X, Y and Z happen to me in my life." I will say "Hi, my name is Sara and i'm married to an amazing man & have 2 beautiful kids."

THAT is how i define myself. By what I have achieved and accomplished in my life. All the hard times got me to where I am today. That doesn't mean I didn't have bad days or days where I was completely overrun by emotions. That also doesn't mean that I shut off my emotions and don't ever talk about those hardships. I talk about them as learning experiences. As things that have made me who I am today. One of my close friends recently asked me how my mother died. I told her and her response was "I'm so sorry you had to go through that." my response? "it's okay. i'm not. it made me who i am" doesthat mean i don't miss my mom and wish she was still alive? Heck no. but that also doesn't mean i run around expecting the world to owe me because of it either or let it run my life.

Am I alone in this feeling? Do you know people like I have mentioned? Why do you think they can't focus on the good? Why do they CHOOSE to define themselves by their hardships?

Idk. I have said it once and I'll say it again, it's not the hardship that defines you but how you overcome the hardship.

Be someone you'd want to know. :-)

Answers

These questions were submitted by Daring to Love...

Why do you think you have waited until now to be focused and comfortable to just being you?
I think as a child I was very reliant on my mother, which is somewhat expected, but looking back I remember lacking the amount of confidence I should have when it came to things like sports, boys, education, etc. I had a lot of people around me who loved me but I have a very strong personality. I was very reluctant to let anyone in and see just how not confident I really was. After my mom died, I looked anywhere and everywhere to feel that void. I was searching for someone to fill my confidence levels back the way that my mother did. Unfortunately I never told anyone that. So I went through life focusing on building my confidence in somewhat unhealthy manners. for example, looking for boyfriends to fill that void, friends to fill that void, alcohol to mask that void, etc. None of which are healthy ways to truly fill your confidence. When I married my husband I knew that all odds were against our relationship. We were the only ones who believed we could make it work and looking back I know that we truly had no idea if it would work or not. As time went on I let my guard down and my husband was (and is) a great listener. He pushed me to not only believe in myself but to be confident in myself. His ways were not what i "thought" i needed (think telling me i'm beautiful, telling me i'm a great mom, etc.) although he did do all of those things when i was feeling insecure or not so confident he would talk to me and explain to me that I had no reason NOT to be confident and that only I could truly make myself happy in this aspect of my life. As much as I had thought it was my mom (and it may have been as a child) I am a grown woman now and I need to be able to take care of myself. Before I was so worried about being alone. I never felt more alone until my mom died. Again, I ran to boys and alcohol as well as other things to feel that "void" but I was finding it wasn't helping at all. My husband has a very carefree attitude. It's not that he doesn't like people, but he doesn't seek their approval. If you don't like him, he doesn't care. That's not to say he's an asshole because he's one of the most easy going people you'll ever meet and most everyone likes him, but it means he doesn't put emphasis on people's opinions of him and unfortunately that was something I did and thrived on my entire life. Being married to him has made both of us grow drastically and one of those steps was me learning to be happy with me and to not live for other people but to live for myself and to be the best mother and wife I can possibly be.

Did having S change anything for you?
First of all, I love that you refer to my kids as T and S lol. I do that all the time :-) Having S changed a lot for me. Like i've said before, i viewed my life as having boys...all boys...MAYBE 1 girl. I never thought I'd get a girl so soon. She's opened my eyes to a much tender love. Not to say I don't love my son but I've always had a "it's okay he's a boy and tough" type attitude with him. If he falls we laugh. Not to make fun of him but to help prevent that sense of fear in him. Sophia has brought out such a gentler side in me. I'm ecstatic to take her to get her nails done, go shopping with her, have mommy/daughter dates, etc. I really feel like it's my 2nd chance at the relationship I missed out on with my mom. (before my mom died i wasn't into any of that yet. i was a huge tomboy and was just about to enter into my high school years) Having S also taught me that it's not so scary to have a girl. I remember thinking when I was pregnant with T and I would talk to other mother's who were pregnant with their first and they were having girls just being like "wow, i would not be able to do that. i would be devastated" and looking back that's SUCH an immature and naive attitude. Girls are amazing. Tommy and I have talked about having another child, and while we don't want to try soon, we have agreed we'll wait to find out the sex because now that we've grown up and matured a little bit more we both know we truly are going to be happy regardless boy or girl.

Do you feel differently from T then S ?
I think I answered this in the question above for the most part. Like I said, he's my rough and tough boy. My goal with him is to raise a gentleman, all around. That means things like holding doors for girls, being respectful of other people's feelings, saying ma'am and sir when addressing authority figures, using his manners, being polite, opening doors for women (car doors too) and all the other old chivalry things that I love about the old days. I don't want my son to turn into that asshole I dated (note: i am not making reference to one particular ex because to be honest i dated a lot of guys haha) I want him to be just like his father. A man of good faith, values, morals and respect.



Would you change anything in your life like a moment or a day?
At first reaction I would love to say yes. But I am a true believer that everything happens for a reason and while some things I have dealt with in my life weren't really ideal at the time the place that they've led and the woman they've made me become was worth all the heartache, tears and sorrows.

How would that change effect you today?
I don't want to change anything about my life right now. I'm truly living my fairytale.

Open board...

So someone contacted me and told me they loved the way I was so honest on my blog.

I was very happy when I received that message because it's what I want 2011 to be all about. I want to be me. Exactly who I am.

Not who people want me to be. Not who someone invisions me to be. But strictly ME.

So I propose this. I am curious, what do y'all want to hear about? Any questions you've always wanted to ask me? Anything you've ever been curious about my viewpoint on or wondered why i did what I did?

Here's your time. You can either leave me a comment annonymously if you don't feel comfortable being up front or you can just message me normally and let me know exactly what it is you'd like to know.

Ask away. My answers may not be what you want to hear. They may not be something you agree with. They may not be the glitter and glam you expect, but I can assure you this, they will be MY answers, 100% honest.

Have at it...

ETA: I'm going to leave this up from now 5pm (okinawa time on jan. 8 aka 3am CST) until Monday okinawa time. i'll answer any and all questions in a blog on monday. (okinawa time so sunday CST) have a great weekend :-)

Never Grow Up

I am a mother. I have a son who is 20 months old and he's my everything. I've always wanted a little boy for as long as I can remember. The day we found out he was in fact a HE was one of the most joyous days of my life. I picked the song "Simple Man" by Lynyrd Skynyrd as the my song to him. I just knew he was going to be 100% boy...all rough and tough, daredevil, intense, extreme and much more. I was thrilled when he turned out that exact way. (although i could do without the mini-heart attacks when he's learning something new i.e. climbing out of cribs, climbing on tables, jumping off couches, etc.)

When T was 9 months old I found out I was pregnant and expecting. I wanted to keep the sex a secret. I felt distant from this pregnancy (i think mainly because i had JUST had T ((yes 9 months old but still that's pretty soon IMO)) not long before). I felt like I was taking time away from him and that wasn't fair to this precious baby boy i had waited for my entire life. Hubby convinced me to find out the sex and I found out she was a girl. The ultrasound tech's exact words were "it's a girl!" me: no reaction, no emotion Ultrasound tech: "did you not want a girl?" me: snaps out of it "oh no, that's awesome"

I was TERRIFIED. For months i kept saying "omgsh i'm having a girl" and i refused to buy ANYTHING for her for quite some time. Even when i did buy stuff it didn't really hit me. Not to say I didn't want a girl but to say that i was SCARED to have a girl. Everyone jokes that husbands are so scared of daughters because they know how they were to girls growing up. I was scared partially for that same reason but in large part for a different reason.

My adoptive mother (yes i have 3 moms i'll try and clarify them all for you when i speak about "mom") passed away when i was 14. She was my best friend. I went to her for and about EVERYTHING so when she passed i was completely lost. I had to go bra shopping for the first time on my own, shop for homecoming dresses with friends or my dad (grateful for them but it's not a mother), nail apts/hair apts by myself or with friends, learn the cruelty that is high school on my own, build my own self-confidence about boys on my own and so much more.

This isn't a pity party for me. I'm just saying it was VERY HARD growing through my teenage years without a mother and i made more than a few mistakes. Some very bad ones. So when I found out I was having a girl I was overwhelmed with emotion. I felt excited because I could get a second chance at that mother/daughter relatioship I had with my mother but in the same breath I was terrified because I know how many mistakes I made and I want to lead my daughter down the right road and make sure she's the best woman she can be.

My whole pregnancy I felt very detached and I went through a whirlwind of emotions. However, that all came to a hault when S was born a little over 3 wks early and she was absolutely breathtaking. (which if you know me i think newborns are gross lol they just don't seem happy) Tears flew to my eyes and it was truly love at first sight. (not to say i didn't love my son but i always had that "hes a boy and he'll be tough and fine" attitude with him but this, this was a newborn little baby girl) I prayed right then for God to take care of me and to help me show her the world and to be a better person then I was and to never let me leave her.

The past 3.5 months have been the most gratifying days of my life. I have a son who is a natural big brother and loves his little sister or "sissy" as he calls her. S is so smiley it's impossible to have a bad day with her. I still could not decide on a song for her. Then I heard it, "Never Grow Up" - Taylor Swift, that was it! That was my song to my precious baby girl. To this day even singing it brings tears to my eyes and it calms S down right away. (as does "Simple man" for T)

I know I can't keep my daughter small forever. I can, however, teach her to grow up to be a strong, God-fearing woman. To love herself when she feels as no one else does. To turn her cheek when girls get catty. To respect herself even when the boys seem to not. To remember that she is 1 in a million and should act that way. To be humble and considerate of those who don't have what she's fortunate to be blessed with. To have a big heart and help those who need it.

My life forever changed the day I gave birth to my handsome, sweet, 100% tough, baby boy. I thought it was complete. God had a different plan. He introduced me to a love I had thought I had lost forever, the love of a mother/daughter. (this is not to say my other 2 mothers do not love me, because i know undoubtedly that they do. it's hard to explain. it's just not hte same. not their fault nor my own. we each (each mother) have our own unique reltionship)

So I'll close with this. The prayer I say every night with my children.

"Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep, If I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take. God bless Mommy, Daddy, Baby T and Sophia. And thank you for my guardian angel Grandma Sharon."
(my adoptive mother's name is sharon fyi)

Miss you daily mom. But I know that you're watching over me and my kids and I know you'd be so proud. Thank you for my amazing husband who's a hands on dad, my rough and tough boy and my sweet princess.

Teen Mom

While I can admit this show is a guilty pleasure for me, it's also a show that frustrates me.

Being a young mother (not a teen) and having 2 children of my own, I know what it's like to raise children.

I understand this show is geared towards young teens to convince them to not have sex and that a big part of teenage years is their social life and freedoms. However, what about the everyday struggles that go into being a parent? Why can't the show focus more on that?

Not every baby is a great baby. In fact, most if not all babies have their flaw. Be it colic, not good at sleeping, picky eater, etc. So why doesn't MTV focus on these aspects as well?

My daughter is 3 months old and sleeps 12 hrs a night. Amazing. (for me at least haha) However, it was a long 3 months attempting to get here there. There were nights I was up 3 or 4 times a night with her. Why doesn't MTV show those struggles of insane sleep deprivation but the fact that you STILL have to wake up?

What about shots? I don't know any mother that LOVES getting her children shots. Kids hate them. Babies cry. It's really a hard time for a first time parent to witness their child's first shots at a mere 2 months old. Why doesn't MTV show that?

Breastfeeding..don't get me started. Some people it works perfectly and they experience no pain, others it's a very tryng and tiring process especially added on top of the sleep deprivation...so again MTV I ask why don't you show this?

While I understand this is geared towards young adults, I do feel like these are important trials you face as a mother thatno matter what your age they should be included.

Also, I do not agree with a 2nd season of teen mom and of 16 & Pregnant. To me, I feel like it enables teens more to get pregnant because they think "oh well i could get a show on MTV" and it contradicts MTV's original stand point on why they created this show. If they had stuck with the original cast and not made more seasons I think it would have sufficed, but unfortunately they didn't.

I do realize though that there are a lot of people out there who will watch all the new seasons (me being one of them) because like I said it's a guilty pleasure of mine. It does bother me though.

So i ask you, what are your thoughts on the show? Will you let your children watch it?

Facebook = Friends

Okay, I have grown to love and hate facebook.

I do not feel like I need to be friends with everyone i know and everyone i used to know on facebook.

First of all it's a time consuming warptunnel. Secondly it makes friendships insanely impersonal. I can't count the number of people on my facebook that I don't hear from...EVER...but yet they seem to want to be friends with me. Idk if it's because they want to "stalk" me or if it's because they want to feel popular by their number of friends but it's just not what I want for my 2011.

I want to use fb as a way to get in contact with my friends/family back home as well as other friends I can't readily communicate with that I do care about and want to know how their lives are.

Just because someone is deleted off facebook why do they so readily jump to the conclusion that it's "drama" or that they are no longer a friend? Why can't it just be that someone wants to have a REAL friendship. Ya know, how in the old days you actually HUNG OUT with people and you actually picked up a phone and made a phone call (or hell even a text).

I just don't get it.

I do get that the ones who quickly jump to those rash conclusions were probably deleted in good context because their actions are proving the types of friends that they really were. I've already heard a huge fuss over deleting people a mere hr ago but only ONE person has come to me and asked me..."Why?" and you know what I told them? The exact reason why.

I don't want impersonal friendships. I don't need to know where you're checking in at all hours of the day. I don't need to know when your kid pooped or when your head hurts. I WANT AND NEED true friends. Friends that care to pick up a phone. Friends that make an effort to hang out. Friends that don't jump to the conclusion that it's just drama or immaturity but that know me and realize that maybe there's something ELSE motivating this "deleting."

True colors always shine through. Unfortunately for some they're just that ugly shade of purple that I can't seem to stand.

Side note: it does freak me out how quickly some noticed they were deleted. Were you stalking my page that second and tried to click on something else and couldn't see it? Or did I show up on a sidebar as "add as friend"? idk the answer to that question and while it's something i'd love to ask i'm not going to. The ones who care and the ones who want to be my friend will make that effort.

May sound selfish, but IMO, I feel like i've made plenty of effort. Given tons of chances. Opened my doors. Forgiven when maybe I shouldn't have. Trusted after continually being burned. Passed on goods to the ungrateful.

So here we go 2011. Those who mind don't matter and those that matter don't mind.

"Friends"

I am titling this "Friends" because that's just what it's about.

Ya know, those people you never hear from unless they need something? Or the ones who are a mutual "friend" and act like they care because they're getting somethng but in the end they're quick to judge you based on what they hear from other "friends."

These people piss me off.

Being someone who is a giver by nature I notice I seem to surround myself by a lot of takers. I have no problem having an "open door policy" at my house. If you need something I'll go out of my way to be there for you be it meds for your child, an ear to vent to, some help with your budgeting, insight on my parenting style, advice on the MC lifestyle or maybe some hand me downs that could prove to ease your life in whatever way you need.

Well, this open door policy is coming to a quick close. I don't want to say i'm throwing it out the window, but I am going to have a "bouncer" at the door. You have to be on the VIP list to rate those privileges in a friendship from me. I'm no longer going to endure your "fake friendship" because you feel you're getting what you need.

Friendship is like marriage. It takes work. You have to communicate and work through you problems as well as give as much as you take. You're not my pimp so why am I constantly giving to you? It's simple. Because I let you. Well, not anymore.

Good riddance.

I don't have to be friends with everyone. I don't have to be the center of attention. I don't have to surround myself with fake people. What I have to do is make sure that my husband and children are healthy, happy and supported. Make sure I am healthy, happy and supported. If you can't contribute to those aspects of my life then don't be shocked when the door is slammed in your face.

2010 brought people into my life who were "friends" 100%. I had "friends" make assumptions and slam the door in my face. I had "friends" who knew me well enough to know that i don't judge people's parenting but yet they were quick to turn around and judge mine. I had "friends" who were so jealous of my life or things my children had they had to voice their opinions to others as well as myself and write it off as "not filtering." Lots of time the excuses were "that's just how i am" well, fine. This is just how i am.

I know that I'm a "ride or die" type friend. I will be there for you through thick and thin. But I'm learning not everyone deserves that type of friendship and i'm not going to lower my standards on what I think a good friend is just to appease your insecurities.

So it begins...filtering through my life (technologically and in real life) to rid myself of all these "friends"

The potential drama that could ensue has kept me from doing this for a long time. However, a dear friend of mine explained to me there's only drama if i respond. So if you think this is about you, well you're most likely right. Say what you want. Think what you want. Be who you want. But just know that I'm going to keep saying and thinking what I want as well as continuing to be who I want.

I have 3 mothers. I certainly don't need anymore.

Reality...

Well, here I am writing my first blog. idk how long i'll keep this up, but I'd like to keep up with it pretty regularly.

I am starting this blog to keep me true to MY feelings.

It was brought to my attention full force in 2010 that i was TOO NICE. My entire life my father always told "be nice Sara, that's all you have to do is be nice" and as much as I understand where he was coming from boy did those 2 words get me into trouble in life.

Too often i'm giving people the benefit of the doubt and continually being taken advantage of. I give even when I have nothing left to give. Now while this is a good quality it's also a very bad quality. It has caused me pain in many ways in my life.

2011 has brought on a new attitude. I refer to it as my "inner bitch." I'm not one to let someone attack me and walk all over me but unless there's huge confrontation I try and find the silver lining and keep telling myself  "oh they didn't mean it like that." well, not anymore. It's time to stand up for myself and for once I could really careless if you like me or hate me.

I am me. That is all I know how to be. I am Tommy's wife. I am Tommy & Sophia's mother.

So be ready. If you feel like reading go ahead. But from here on out it's MY feelings i'm going to think about and MY life that i'll worry about taking care of. Take it or leave it. This is me.